Sitting in The Grove on Chestnut Street in San Francisco, after having just stormed out of my house. I am beyond frustrated and it’s because of my kids.
Everywhere I look moms are sitting with kids, who are NOT pulling on them, nagging at them or having a temper tantrum. Just net to me, a mom has a newborn in the bjorn and her three year old is calmly sitting next to her, sucking on a lollipop. At another table two moms sit sipping coffee, each with a toddler CALMLY sitting in a stroller, looking at an iphone.
Granted, the whole bebe-with-electronics thing kind of creeps me out. The iphone has become the new addiction etc. But honestly, at this point Id be in heaven if mine would sit and play with anything short of live dynamite and just let me have a conversation for more than 30 seconds.
This morning I took my two to the playground and noticed that there wasn’t more than one minute time span that someone (Bebe) wasn’t calling “mamamamama” or “mama look at me”. I mean, CONSTANTLY! Then La Petite starts, I think vying for attention, either calling “mama look at me” or coming over and pulling on me, wanting me to come climb up the play structures with her.
It’s worse when, like today, we met up with my friend , Nadine, and her little one. Nadine sits there calmly while her tot plays near her or wanders away to climb up the slide. Every once in awhile the two year old comes over to check in with mom and Nadine smiles, gives her daughter a big hug and kiss and then the little one wanders off. Meanwhile Bebe is calling “mama look at me!” from the monkey bars and La Petite is pulling on me “mama I need you” so that by the end of a mere 45 minutes I’m about to boil over AND am thinking HOW am I going to get through the rest of the day?
They are constantly questioning, complaining or nagging. There is little if no silent time and when the two of them are alone with me it is constant rivalry for attention, sitting on lap, getting hugs, or just talking. Non stop. I mean NONSTOP talking, demanding, pulling.
So HOW do other moms do it? I have tried all the typical methods of setting limits. I’m not overly indulgent and I am definitely not personally invested in my kids “needing” me. You know those moms who NEED their kids to need them. I don’t! I must be the only mom who feels like “please DON’T need me!” Please need someone else!
To make matters worse, when my husband comes home and I’m desperate to escape the kids, they treat him like he’s the boogey man “no daddy no daddy!” and run away from him. The only way for me to have ANY break is to escape – to physically LEAVE the house. Which is exhausting for me after six years, and discouraging for dear old dad.
Today, when DH came home and was going to take over the kids, they ran from him in terror, I ended up doing bathtime while folding laundry and he is reading a book. He shrugs and says “I cant do anything if they run away from me”. Which I understand – it’s tough for him t take charge if they run from him in terror (which is completely unfounded) but it means I dont get a break, I end up fuming, spitting fire at both husband and kids and storming out.
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2 comments:
Been there often. You answered your own question - you must leave the premises. Easier when DH is home, or there's money for a sitter, but make it part of the routine. Pick a day and time and leave. Make it an hour, two, two and a half, just go and do for you. Read, have coffee without having to cut someone's pancakes or meet demands. Make and take the time. It will help the kids with Daddy, too. They won't have a choice. You'll all survive. ;-). And call if you ever want. I know the feeling all too well (as my therapist can attest).
And remind me to tell you about the night I stormed out and stayed out for five hours. Wine and a good friend helped that night!!
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