No Sex in the City

Night out with hubbie
Ok so we tried to have a "date night"
I mean, its been 4 years - 5 if you count being preg and how much that sucked - without regular babysitting or much non kid time together
We have plenty of time together with kids
Too much. How awful is it to say that? Too much family time? I'm a horrible mom and wife
Husb clearly loooves family time

How bout "no sex in the city". Did I ever have a sex drive? I think I did at some point
When I was 16 and a horny teenager in the back of the car
Yeegads - in those days we wouldve given a limb just to have some hours alone!
Now I have every night and an apt (well - granted we aren't alone since the 16 mth old and 4 yo both seem to migrate into our bed during the night) and sex is not only the furthest thing from my mind but I actually avoid it!
My fantasy is a whole bed in a room to myself for a night! Not some climbing on me and crawling on me
I already have 2 munchkins who do that
So how do other women get their sex drive back (guess it helps if you've got one to begin with)

Surely feeling fat and wearing maternity pants 16 mths after daughter #2 was born doesn't help

I used to workout every day! Jeez. I haven't seen a gym in 2 years.

Date starts out "great". We sit down at our old cafe - the one we went to in our old hood, before kids. It's heated (very un French) even though it's not cold outside (despite the fact that its mid November). I take off my sweater and my husb says "looks like we need to take you shirt shopping"

Thus follows 15 mins of "discussion" bordering on furious argument, with each of us suggestting we just end the date and go home. Apparently he meant to be funny (I have yet to understand how that comment would possibly provoke a laugh on my part). Of course I felt embarrassed and shlumpy. I already feel fat and unfashionable. That comment didn't help

Nor did the next 10 mins of me feeling like I had to make HIM feel better since he was wounded because I took his comment offensively

Hello? What is wrong here? Does anyone else experience this?