Calm yourself, Calm your kids

Calming your own stress REALLY affects your kids. I've known this for years, of course. But this week it has actually become a reality. I was invited to be part of a spiritual women's circle (almost all moms) and most of the focus was on paying attention to intuition, telling the voices in our heads to shut the f- up! and letting our "higher selves" guide us. All of this I've heard before. But something about sitting with this group of women, not meditating in silence, but sharing experiences in a guided, focused way was extremely calming. I was even more surprised to find that, five days later, the calming effect has remained. I've made a huge effort to use a very calm voice with my kids. Especially when they are stressed. The more they rev UP, the more I calm DOWN. I get calmer and quieter, as they rev up into hysteria. And it works! I have noticed a strong shift in their own ability to de-escalate. This morning, the car stalled, we were late to doctor appointment, I had to drive my husband to work, my six year old commented "Why is everyone in a rush? This is making me UNCOMFORTABLE!" as she started to rev up. BRAVA to her for articulating her feelings. I replied, "No we are not in a rush and you are right, I will caaaaaaalm down. Let's all calm down." I slowed down and she calmed down. It was amazing to see this effect in action!